i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I look excited, but its just a facade.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
