if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
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