so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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