just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
