Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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