theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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