I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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