and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
He had one of those small greek statue penises
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
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She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
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If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
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