We won't sleep together?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
