There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
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she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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