he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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