My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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