Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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