you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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