It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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