My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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