Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
