high people should be assigned attendants
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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