do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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