She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
