I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Sober January is a disaster.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
