There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize