Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
