she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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