I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
