fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
