saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
NoShamevember. You game?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
