Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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