the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
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By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
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That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I am available for nakedness
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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