Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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