the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
