Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
