Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize