"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
