Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
