I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
