Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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