cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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