we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
