Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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