drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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