call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize