Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
