brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
