You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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