Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
