and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
a search helicopter?!
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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