Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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