you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
So much rum. So many feels.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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