I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
