4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
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