I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
