his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
