i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
My boob is missing a layer of skin
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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