Umm I'm too high to move.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
