I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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