smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
