Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
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